Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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