At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I would ride that face into the sunset
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
