Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
