Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
