they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
