My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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