If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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