I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
