he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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