im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
