saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize