So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
