Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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