Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
