you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
