I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Who died my cat blue again?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
