too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
