Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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