I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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