Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize