so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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