Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just forgot I was standing up.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
