I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
