I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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