she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
