I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
