he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
