I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
