my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
