my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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