I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
