don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
