i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
