so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
