i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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