Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I would fuck him just for his dog
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
