i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize