I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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