If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
