His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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