She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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