i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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