I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
