this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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