I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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