No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
