that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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