You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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