so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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