found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
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took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
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Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize