She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
