I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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