Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
