i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
