Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
