remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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