You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
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