JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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