you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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