I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
