We're like a lot better than the average bears
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
