You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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